The following jokes have been time-tested with patients.  ​

Q: Who earns a living driving customers away?
​A: Uber drivers.

Q: What did the mama rope say to the kid rope?
A: Don't be knotty...

Q: Why was the stadium so hot when the game ended?
A: All the fans left.

Q: What is brown and sticky?
A: A stick

Q: What do you call student who always turns in his math homework late?
A: A calcu-later

Q: Why did the M&M go to school?
A: He wanted to be a Smartie

Q: Which is heavier, water or butane?
A: Water. Butane is a lighter fluid

Q: What do you call an army of babies?
A: An infantry

Q: Where were the first French fries cooked?
A: Greece

Q: Why did the scarecrow win an award?
A: He was "out-standing" in his field

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road, roll around in the dirt, and then cross the road again?
A: He was a dirty double crosser

Q: Did you hear about the cheese factory explosion in France?
A: There was debris ("da-brie") everywhere.

Q: Where do farmers buy their cows from these days?
A: The cattle-log (catalog).

​Q: Did you ever have a teacher with a lazy eye (or who was cross-eyed)?
A: I did - he had no control over his pupils.

Q: Why can't a nose be 12 inches long?
A: Because then it would be a foot.

Q: How do you keep someone in suspense?
A: I'll tell you later....

Q: Why was everyone looking at the ceiling and cheering?
​A: They were ceiling fans.